I’ve never seen a bat that big.

By the accounts of multiple witnesses, its wingspan was anywhere from five to six feet. It was first noticed by a close friend of mine as we enjoyed some late night drinks and smokes on my stone balcony at the Sheraton Mirage in Gold Coast, Australia.

He saw it swoop down through the darkened sky above and I saw it moments later, like a giant creepy-crawly hang glider, as it made a landing in a large palm tree about 30 yards away and fifty feet up from our location.

Hasn’t Happened in Forty Years
That was the word in the local newspaper I read after four days of sheer downpours all culminating in a raging storm that caught us unprotected on a remote island in wall-less huts and one large, shaky plastic tent.

It was miserable. In the first days I was there, I saw the sun once – on the plane ride in.

It finally broke around Wednesday, for awhile, but then came back and nailed us on the island Fabulous chartered us to for parasailing, helicopter rides, food, booze and Aboriginal performances.

Truthfully, with the raging storm and massive lightning and all the flooding (we were standing in three inches of water) it was perhaps not the best time for the natives to perform their rituals for us. Felt like I was on mushrooms – in a Kubrick film.

Finally, on Friday, we got to see some of the weather we were told defined the Gold Coast. And it was indeed brilliant and sunny and warm. I felt dry for the first time all week – from moldy, soggy white bread to a warm, crusty baguette. Of course, the next day, I had to go home.

“We Have to See it Again”
We both agreed the “bat”, if indeed it was one, had to be witnessed and studied further. Neither of us had ever seen one that size and dam nit if we weren’t going to get a better look at, literally, that rat bastard.

So we hooted and hollered and tried to coax it out with ruckus-style noises but to no avail – the bat stayed perched, somewhere unseen, at the top of that palm tree, waiting perhaps for one of the new gTLD’s (.fruit? .blood?) to drop.

‘Fabulous’ Indeed
Fabulous did the almost impossible task of overcoming the awful weather that landed at their conference. They offered speakers and speeches interesting enough to actually warrant attendance plus activities to keep us moving and going and having fun.

So it should say a considerable amount that the show got such high marks. One has to wonder what might have been if sunshine had dominated, especially the night some of us were invited to the top of m1, the tallest residential tower in the world. Thanks again for the Absinthe.

Everyone grumbled and griped but eventually tried to make the best of it – helped largely by the efforts of Dan and Co.

From programs to banners and food, discussion topics to cocktail parties, they spared no time, or seemingly, expense to entertain, to create optimum networking venues and opportunities for all in attendance.

Pity #1 – the monsoon but bless Fab and crew (especially Jen Sale) for making it so worthwhile, even adventurous and intriguing.

“I’m Going to Throw a Rock”
Yes, there was no denying my ‘viewing’ of the massive mammal so I suggested a bold strategy of hitting the palm tree direct enough and hard enough with a rock to set the beast to flight.

Of course, my partner did not see eye to eye on my scheme. He noted the walkways behind the tree, the distance and height as well as all manner of the hotel behind it that could be struck and shattered – with mayhem ensuing. He was quite adamant about it actually; pointing out that the target was less than ten inches wide.

I demurred. I proudly proclaimed I had “played college ball” as I picked up a rock roughly the size of a racquetball.

I eyed the tree, ignored my friend’s final pleas and, with beer muscles in full lather, threw the deadly projectile deep into the Australian night.

Houston.com, We Have a Problem
Truth be known, the network and internet connections at the hotel were slow and spotty – at times functioning with brevity and other times dirty dancing to a snail’s beat. Still, Aftermarket has tried too hard to reinvent the wheel and paid part of that price.

It is a cost of innovation and people should show reserve and patience and accept it in this case. Sure, we can live off others platforms but will flourish with a standardized version for our own industry. Development is not easy. Period. Drink a Cherry Pop, hit the surf, eat a ‘bug’ and give them a minor break. Anyone who knows Ammar also knows he gives maximum effort.

Of course, the flaws came into full view during the Aftermarket.com auction when synching between home and Australia became a ‘delay’ issue, forcing the AM team to restructure and reboot. Still, many names sold, especially those offered before the tech issues. Pity #2, it was headed towards being one of the best in quite some time.

Latona’s auction went off more smoothly but the results were mixed, one buyer and two names essentially made the day, covering roughly 75% of the take. Even then, one of the names, SanJuan.com, was snatched for a bargain given the size and tourist nature of that world-famous city. Not everyone knows Chula Vista or even Seattle but they know San Juan.

‘Finger shake’ on domainers for letting that one skim by relatively untouched – doesn’t help you that I was born there either. You know who you are – double for shame!

On a Wing and a Prayer
Even though I was quite past ripe on the sobriety fruit tree, I had a feeling about that throw.

Something about the smooth, round rock I selected off my first floor, channel-side balcony. It had an aura, a pulse (or was that mine?). Plus, I’d focused intently on the target: the point where the shaft meets the nuts, just under the bush of palms.

Thunk.

God bless a long tradition of hard, accurate throwers in my gene pool. In fact, one of my relatives made it to Triple-A with the Yankees in the 1950’s and was headed for the majors until he plunked a Marine in the temple with a pitch in an exhibition game. The marine died shortly thereafter, my relative would never pitch again.

So perhaps his spirit was with me, embedded in my arm because I threw a positive bullet and hit the tree exactly as planned – where bat meets tree.

Thump. The rock dropped, hitting the manicured grass surface at the base of the tree. Then, a large, solitary palm leaf floated down.

Whoosh – the ’dark knight’ took to flight with one majestic and gigantic toss of his/her wings.

We saw it soar from the mass of leaves and into the night, swooping back around one more time before launching upward into the mass of clouds and light rain that made the night even creepier, more fun and very TRAFFIC Down Under.

Really, I’ve never seen a bat that big.

“It’s on the Ass End of the Earth”
So said my ride-mate as we made the drive to Brisbane for the ungodly long flight back to the U.S. of A.

And it is over there – on the butt crack of the globe, but that does not change agreement with my decision to make the journey, if only for five days. Still not sure what day it is. Who said that?

I made the journey because I might encounter a wallaby or shark or, yes, a giant bat. I went because I wanted to party and chat and do business with all my friends and acquaintances.

But mostly I went because I was there the day they introduced ‘Fabulous’ in Los Angeles and I wanted to see what had become of our vaunted first industry sponsor.

So sure, it’s a massive haul, a serious commitment of time and expense, sleep, dryness and even health but one that can only be described as ‘fabulous.’ A promise realized, a domain and company humanized and developed – eight years later.

Thank God I didn’t kill the bat.